Nikolai Read online

  "I'll get it done. Anything else?"

  "Get me a meeting with Mr. Lu."

  Kostya made a nervous sound. "That's going to be expensive."

  "I'll make it worth his while. I have a feeling we're going to need his import expertise very soon."

  His orders given, Nikolai patted Kostya's back and left the garage. He traversed the flagstone pavers to the side entrance of the house. In the mudroom, he carefully peeled out of his coat and placed it on its hook.

  When Nikolai stepped into the kitchen, Sergei glanced up from his foot-high plate of sandwiches. The enforcer took one look at him and shoved one of his beer bottles down the long granite island. "You'd better drink that before you go see her."

  Nikolai pushed the beer back toward Sergei. "She's mad?"

  "Furious," Sergei corrected. With a lopsided smile, he added, "But she's barefoot and doesn't have her purse so there's little chance of her coming after you like she did me and Kostya's car."

  Nikolai grunted at the memory of chasing after her down that sidewalk. At the time, their fight had seemed so monumental. Now, after everything they'd survived, it seemed like a simple tiff. "Kostya will be in soon. If anything comes up, let him handle it. I don't want to be disturbed."

  Sergei nodded. "We'll keep it down."

  Bracing for an argument, he left the kitchen. It took him a few minutes to find her in the media room watching one of those awful reality shows. He didn't know how anyone so smart could stand to watch such trash, but he wasn't about to chide her for her choice of evening entertainment.

  He didn't step into her view immediately. Instead, he stood in the shadowy spot there to observe her better. He liked the way she looked in his home. Seeing her barefoot and in pajamas drove home the point he'd been considering all day. There was nowhere else she belonged but right here with him. In his life, in his home, in his arms. She was his—and it was time to stake his claim.

  Stepping fully into the doorway, he drew her attention. The moment she caught sight of him, she sat up and flicked off the television. She tossed the remote on the cushion next to her. "We need to talk."

  He rubbed the back of his neck. "Not in here, Vee. Let's go to the library. It's private."

  "Fine." With an angry scowl, she shoved off the couch and stormed toward him. She tried to brush by him but he captured her with a hand curved against her hip. With one step, he backed her up against the arched doorway and slid his other hand to her nape. Eyes wide, she put her hands against his chest but not to push him away. "Nikolai—"

  "I missed you today." He'd never been a very emotional man. It wasn't easy for him to make himself vulnerable, but after the way he'd broken down in front of her, he understood that she wouldn't ridicule him for showing a softer side.

  But he'd only do it for her.

  Her angry expression melted. "I missed you." She inhaled and narrowed her eyes. "You've been smoking."

  He let a grunt of annoyance escape his throat. "It's been a stressful day."

  "Don't fall back into the habit." She ran her hand up and down his arm in an encouraging way. "You've been doing so well."

  Not wanting to lie to her by swearing to stop, he said, "I'll try harder."

  A sweet smile curved her mouth. "I know you will."

  Curling her fingers into the fabric, she gripped the front of his shirt as he lowered his mouth to tease it across hers. He held the simple kiss for a few seconds before delving his tongue between her lips. The sugary sweetness of cake frosting clung to her mouth. She whimpered softly as he flicked his tongue against hers.

  Spurred on by her reaction, he moved his hand from her hip to cradle her face. As her fingers tightened around the fistfuls of fabric, he deepened their kiss. She rose up on tiptoes to meet the ravenous descent of his mouth. When her soft breasts pressed against his chest, he felt his control slipping. The urge to run his hands along her feminine curves was almost too much to squelch.

  Pulling back, he kissed her tenderly. She relaxed against the doorway and let her hands slowly fall from his chest. Pouting up at him, she playfully accused, "You did that on purpose."

  He grinned. "Did it work?"

  "A little," she said and toyed with a button on his shirt. "I'm still really annoyed with you."

  He grasped her hand and gave it a tug. Still a bit dazed by his kiss, she followed him without a fight. Once they were safely enclosed in his library, he released her hand and leaned back against the door. She put some distance between them and moved to the seating area. "You stay there. I don't want you kissing me again and making me forget why I'm angry with you."

  "Whatever you say, solnyshko moyo."

  She rolled her eyes. "You better keep laying it on thick." She fixed him with her frustrated glare. "You told Sergei and his guys to clear out my apartment."

  It wasn't a question but he answered it anyway. "Yes, I did."

  "They went through my private things, Nikolai. How do you think that makes me feel?"

  The truth was he hadn't even considered that. He swore under his breath. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about it that way. I just wanted to get you out of that apartment as quickly as possible."

  "Why?"

  Staring at her, he wondered if she wasn't suffering from some kind of amnesia. "Vee, you were kidnapped. You were nearly killed. You can't be alone. I have to keep an eye on you. No." He slashed his hand through the air. "You're not going back."

  Her shoulders tilted back. "Says who?"

  "Says me." His matter-of-fact statement seemed to draw her ire. "It's silly to drag this out. You need your things here. You can't live out of a suitcase forever."

  She crossed her arms. "Look, Nikolai, you can't just tell me I'm not going back to my apartment. That's not the way this works. I'm not moving in here."

  "Yes, you are."

  "Like hell," she replied snippily. "I agreed to stay with you until this crap storm with my dad blows over. We never discussed something like this."

  She was right, of course, but he wasn't about to back down. "The situation has drastically changed, Vee. You can't live alone. It's not safe."

  "So tell me that and then ask me what I think we should do, Kolya!"

  He winced as the full weight of his one-sided decision was finally presented to him. He'd gotten so used to giving orders without asking for opinions that he'd run roughshod over Vivian. "I didn't mean to come across so…controlling. I only wanted what's best for you."

  "And that's why I'm not throwing books at your head," she replied with a little smile. "I know why you did it. I just need you to understand why I'm upset."

  "I do." He hesitated. "I can't promise this won't happen again. In fact, I'm certain it will happen again. I've been this way for a long time, Vee. I'm not going to change overnight."

  "I don't expect that, but I'm not taking orders from you like one of your men." She swallowed nervously. "I mean…I don't really know what we're doing or what this thing between us is…but I can't—I won't—be ordered around like an employee. I watched my parents treat one another so badly and I'm not interested in that kind of thing. Either we're equals and partners…or we're nothing."

  Aghast at how badly he'd overstepped her boundaries, he crossed the distance between them in quick strides. He could imagine how much courage it had taken her to say that to him.

  He brushed his bruised and battered knuckles along her cheek. "There aren't many people in this world brave enough to put me in line." Smiling, he dipped his head and kissed her sweetly. "I'm glad you're one of them."

  She exhaled with relief. "It wasn't easy."

  "Don't be afraid of me, Vee. There's nothing you can't say to me. I want us to be on the level with each other."

  She hesitated and bit her lip. He ran his thumb across her plump flesh to stop her. Glancing up at him, she held him in place with her vulnerable blue eyes. "I don't think staying here is such a good idea." Before he could ask why not, she hurriedly explained, "A couple of kisses and you've
got me wavering on the edge. You're too tempting, Nikolai. I can't cross that line. Not even for you," she added on a whisper.

  That line?

  Sex.

  He'd be a lying bastard if he told her that he wasn't interested in a physical relationship. Even with his dull headache and throbbing side, he wanted to take her down in front of the fireplace and ravish her. He wanted to feel her thighs wrapped around his waist and her shaky breaths against his throat as she came. He wanted to thrust into her slick cunt again and again and fill her with his seed, to mark and bind her to him forever.

  "Then we're at a crossroads, Vee."

  Confusion marred her pretty face. "What do you mean?"

  "Well, I'm not letting you leave this house, and you can't stay here if your virtue is constantly under attack."

  She eyed him warily. "What's your solution?"

  What was she thinking? Did she imagine he was going to farm her out to Sergei or Kostya for safekeeping? Or was she beginning to understand that he was about to propose a much more permanent solution.

  "There are two choices here. One—I put you on a plane tonight and send you to Yuri. He'll hide you away in some secret place that even Lena won't know about until you're finally safe again. Whenever that might be," he added.

  Her tired sigh told him she didn't like that option. "And the second choice?"

  Throat tight, he offered her the last form of protection possible. "Marry me."

  Chapter Eleven

  Marry me.

  The shocking words ricocheted around in my head. Thrown completely for a loop, I stumbled to the closest chair and dropped onto the cushion without any finesse. My knees wobbled and my tummy pitched as I tried to figure out if he was serious.

  "Marry you?"

  He slowly sat down on the coffee table. There was no masking the pain that caused him to grimace. I ached for him and reached out to soothingly pet his knee. In one swift movement, he captured my smaller hand in his. "You deserve so much better than me. I know that. It's selfish of me to even ask you to be my wife."

  "Why?" I had to know what he was thinking. What had motivated him to ask me something so incredibly serious?

  Head down, he traced my middle finger. "I need you by my side. This whole damned city is a powder keg and one spark is about to send it up in flames. I have to know you're protected. I have to know you're right here."

  What had spurred his sudden proposal? Certain I wouldn't like the answer, I asked, "Where were you tonight?"

  Nikolai's gaze finally met mine. With a heavy sigh, he confessed, "I was meeting with Lorenzo Guzman."

  My lips parted on a gasp. "The drug lord? I didn’t know you were in business with him."

  "There's a lot you don't know about me, Vee. I'm willing to tell you some of it but not all of it. What you need to know right now is that there's a price on your head and Lorenzo Guzman bought it. He's using it as leverage against me."

  My heartbeat sprinted. "For what?"

  "A gun deal," he said reluctantly. "His buyer is having problems and he needs a new supply line."

  I licked my lips. "And then what? I mean—he's not going to stop with just these guns, right? He's going to keep beating you over the head with the hit on me to make you do what he wants."

  "He's going to try."

  "What does that mean?"

  "It means he's underestimated me. He has no idea how far I'm willing to go to finish this."

  I gripped his fingers even tighter. "Please don't do anything terrible for me. I couldn't bear it." My voice cracked as I thought of what he might have already done just to get me back. "Please."

  His Adam's apple bobbed up and down. "I can't promise you that, Vee. I won't sit here and make a promise I don't intend to keep. I can't have any more lies between us. The last one nearly killed us. No more, angel moy."

  It struck me then how deeply he cared for me and how determined he was for our relationship to move forward with a solid foundation of truth. Even if that truth wasn't something I wanted to hear…

  "You know what I am. You know who I am. This is me, Vee. This is all I can offer."

  I heard the shame filling his voice. Cupping his jaw, I raised his gaze to mine. "I know what you are."

  "I'm a criminal who shot a little girl and then lied to her for eleven years. That's what I am."

  A painful band squeezed my heart. "I've forgiven you for that. We have to move forward, Nikolai. It's done."

  "For you, maybe," he said glumly. "For me? I will never forgive myself for what I did."

  There was nothing I could say to change his mind or assuage the terrible guilt he carried. I grazed my fingertips down his cheek in a soothing gesture. His eyelids briefly closed. Such longing appeared on his face. How long had it been since someone had touched him with kindness?

  "The night I shot you…when I was kneeling over you and holding my hand to your bleeding belly…that was the first night I had prayed since childhood."

  I wasn't supposed to know about the abuse he'd survived as a child. When that crazy woman had tried to kill Lena and Yuri, she'd had her cohort leave a cryptic note written in Russian on Lena's pillow. Unable to decipher it, Lena had sent me a snapshot via her phone. There, in red ink, I'd read all about the way little Nikolai had been pimped out for money.

  After what he'd suffered at the hands of that disgusting orphanage director and his pedophile clients, I wasn't surprised that Nikolai had divorced himself from a relationship with God. I could only imagine how many unanswered prayers he'd sent out into the great beyond while being abused so horrifically.

  "You survived," Nikolai continued, "and I knew then that I'd been charged with looking after you. It's my duty to keep you safe. I feel it here." He dragged my hand to his chest, right above his beating heart. "When they took you, I prayed I'd find you safe and alive—and I did."

  To hear Nikolai talking about faith and prayer left me speechless.

  "I'm not taking any more chances when it comes to you." He took both of my hands now. "You'll marry me and become my wife and then everyone will know the price of harming even one hair on your head."

  He was offering me everything I'd ever wanted from him but I wasn't sure the motivation was right. Perhaps it was a childish and naïve thing to consider with my life on the line—but I couldn't deny what I was feeling. I wasn't like Lena or Benny or Bianca or Erin. I'd never wanted a high-profile career or a business. I'd always been drawn to quieter, simpler things. To keep a beautiful home, raise children and paint on the side was my ultimate dream.

  But this wasn't the way I wanted it.

  "I don't want to get married as a preventative measure, Kolya. I want to get married because the man asking me wants to build a life with me."

  "I want that," he said on a hurried breath. "I want so many things with you. I never wanted you to end up with a man like me. I've done everything possible to steer you away from my kind so I know how hypocritical it is for me to sit here and ask for your hand."

  "But?"

  "But I love you, Vivian. Rightly or wrongly, we've been bound together for ages. There's no one else for me." He caressed my face and peered intently into my eyes. "What do you want, Vee?"

  Snatching my chance to have the one thing I'd wanted for so long, I answered honestly, "The one thing everyone keeps telling me I can't have."

  This time, I was the one who kissed him. As if holding back, he held perfectly still when I pressed my lips to his. It wasn't until I turned the tender kiss into a needful, seeking one that Nikolai seemed to lose his control. Wrapping both arms around me, he slid to his knees in front of my chair.

  With a low growl of desire, he stabbed his tongue against mine. I'd been kissed quite a few times but I'd never experienced one like this. This was a soul-searing mating that left me trembling and overheated. When Nikolai kissed me, he did it with such passionate intensity that it drove the air right out of my lungs.

  I grew insanely aware of my body. Of course, I'd ne
ver had my legs wrapped around a man's waist before this—and it did crazy things to me. Nikolai's muscled chest seemed impossibly hard against my front. My breasts suddenly felt heavier and ached to be touched and caressed. The thin fabric of my camisole top and the loose cardigan I wore were no match for Nikolai's body heat. He warmed me through and through.

  When his hand glided down my spine, I gasped against his mouth. The simplest touch set me on fire. I rocked against him—and became very aware of another part of him. Kneeling between my parted thighs, the tented front of his jeans rubbed against the flimsy cotton of my pajama bottoms. Only a few millimeters of fabric separated our bodies now.

  I'd meant it earlier when I told Nikolai that he tempted me. Never before had I allowed myself to get into a tricky situation like this. Anytime a goodnight kiss or movie make-out session had gotten heated, I'd deftly applied the brakes. Tonight, though, I felt powerless to stop Nikolai. My body ached for his intimate touch.

  As if reading my mind, Nikolai tore his mouth away from mine. Panting against my neck, he buried his face in the sloping curve there. "We have to stop."

  No! My brain screamed for us to keep going. I wanted to know the secrets that my friends understood. I wanted to know what it felt like to have my lover guide me down to the floor. I wanted to feel Nikolai's weight on top of me, to feel his naked skin against mine.

  No. This time it was my conscience talking. The lust-driven haze began to fade and I was able to look at our situation with clear eyes and a clear heart. Yes, I still wanted Nikolai in the most wild, intimate way—but I had to wait.

  He spoke in low tones, his voice muffled by the way he still had his mouth pressed to my throat. The Russian words drifted to my ears. "I'm sorry."

  Confused, I asked, "For what?"

  He pulled back and kissed me gently. "For pawing at you like this," he clarified. "You've been through a terrible trauma, and I should be giving you space to heal and sort out your thoughts, not bombarding you with marriage proposals and kissing you."